Its Been Over A Year (Update)

It has been over a year since I’ve updated my blog though I have been active on my Twitter page. The main reasons for this being the need for me to settle into a new environment. Back in December I completed by Bachelors and about a week after, I was fortunate enough to land a management position at a small company. Coming into the new year my focus was on going full Monk Mode as I saw many areas needing to be improved in my life, but, I was not able to get into that zone. I attribute it to a level of mental burnout having just finished a long semester and getting straight into the workforce. Added to this, I recently launched a media company and have been busy making connections and ‘rubbing elbows’ with the right folks.

Added to that, just last week my relationship of 4 years ended and it hit me harder than I thought it would have. I knew her for over 10 years and been with her before I swallowed the Red Pill so the last remnants of that life has basically withered away. This isn’t to say I was in a Blue Pill relationship by any stretch, she was feminine, young, eager to please and had no notches before me. But, she wanted a level of commitment that I could not have fully given to her. She knew I had other women in my life and for the first 3 years this seemed not to be too much of a problem but in the past year when she confided that she loved me, this etched away slowly on her soul until she couldn’t take it any longer. I knew for about 6 months that the relationship was on borrowed time, we did crazy stuff, had lots of fun and genuinely enjoyed each other’s company, but in the back of my mind I knew it would rear its ugly head again – which it did.

As a man who tries to incorporate Stoic habits in his life, as well as being ‘Red Pill’, I understand all these things and will overcome them. But for now I am fully experiencing the range of emotions this situation handed me and navigating through it the best way I can. Much thanks also to Mark, Goldmund and all the other guys for gifting me with advice and well wishes. As for now, contemplation and introspection is what I will be doing while I move forward. Public writing is still not in the plans, but when the time comes you all would know.

The Long Game

***This article is much differently written and formatted than my usual posts because I felt the need to vent quickly and shortly. However, as you guys can see I’m back so expect regular posts from here on***

“The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term, is the indispensable prerequisite for success.” Brain Tracy

For the majority of my childhood life forced me to delay gratification. As a child I didn’t grow up in the best of neighborhoods (actually, one of the worst) and my family didn’t have the financial means to live as smoothly as I would have liked. I can recall getting 50⊄ to a dollar at primary school because the family went through some extra rough financial patches. I remember being 14 years old throwing a tantrum at my dad because my friends were able to get things they wanted and I couldn’t. He let me finish then told me to suck it up and be grateful for what I had. In secondary school, when I was given an allowance he would always say, “it isn’t much but make it work” and this carried on until I got to college. I had to “ban my belly” for the sake of enjoying something at a later date. With the money for school, I would save 90% of it to have the chance to go to the movies with a girl or chill somewhere over the weekend. At the time I didn’t fully understand why I had to be the one to live this life; I also didn’t like that I did. But many years later and a little wiser, as I observe people around me more, I’ve come to appreciate those rough times because it built true character in me.

This pushed me to become innovative with the way I spent my money and how to make it. When I first understood how to torrent movies, I began selling DVDs to my teachers for $10 and when I built up a little capital, decided to sell anything that could get me money. You see, these experiences allowed me to see life not through a rose-tinted glass but the glass that’s clearest. Born from it is my love for business and entrepreneurship which to this day has stuck with me. If I didn’t go through those experiences of not having I don’t think I would have been this hungry to push myself and move forward in life. You see, the long game is not one that is wanted in todays world, people my age have grown up in an era where everything is provided quickly. From the evolution of high speed internet to Tinder, where you can easily bed more women than our ancestors could have ever imagined after no more than a 5 minute conversation. These luxuries afford us the opportunity to focus on other things; some use it to provide value for themselves and others whilst most become a permanent resident of consumer-town. Back when these things weren’t easily acquired you had to work ferociously to move up in society and because of that, people never felt entitled. They understood the long game for what it was and didn’t complain, but rather adapted to the circumstances life threw and dealt with it accordingly. This article is my first since being back and it really is for those people who are forced to live below their means for the sake of a much more fruitful tomorrow. Though it may seem that success is touching everyone but yourself, see it as success’ flirtations giving you frequent eye contact to let you know your approach is welcomed. Though you may falter and give in to temptations do not make it a frequent habit because as the Stoics believed, excessive pleasure can enslave you and create in you a dependency that must be fulfilled. If you are impulsive, learn to withhold and become more mindful. Truly study those who enjoy long term success in all spheres of their lives and one would realize that delaying pleasure today goes a long way in sustaining pleasure tomorrow. There is a popular statement in the Red Pill that goes, “Good things come to those you wait work” and it is definitely a true statement. However, be aware that though you work hard, it does not equate to instant success. Envision what you want from life, plan, execute but also be patient… true success isn’t a flame – quickly lit and quench – but rather like water – slow to build and slow to empty.

Male Friendships

“Masculinity is about being a man within a group of men. Above all things, masculinity is about what men want from each other”
 ― Jack Donovan

In today’s world, genuine masculine friendships have become sort of a rarity. Film writers and directors have realized this and have been able to tap into this need by portraying characters who were surrounded with other like-minded men to go about their business. Band of Brothers, Ocean’s 11, Goodfellas, Sons of Anarchy and Hangover are all examples of such shows that epitomize brotherhood in their own unique way but evoke the same feeling from male viewers who begin to feel an emptiness in their lives if they aren’t truly part of a gang. In traditional times, boys would grow up within a core group who would have shared similar interests and had each other’s back. This came about naturally as men were pushed both directly and indirectly to make close male bonds with others who they would be able to build with. This was further pushed as boys would be given the room to be boys and through mutual struggles, being part of sports teams and fighting, a close bond would develop. However, as the world became more feminized, genuine friendships began to decrease at drastic rates and this can be seen today where millions of men are shown to have little to no close friends.

Due to the West’s prosperity and security, the life and death need (or lack thereof) to have a group of men at one’s side has also played its part. As a result, men have become much more feminine, untrustworthy and unreliable – traits that other men do not value. Added to this, the stark fatherless rates in society for young boys play a massive part as these boys grow up not knowing how to be men and what men do. Thus, masculine traits are not idealized and they grow up looking at the world from a more feminine perspective. It has also become common for men to openly boast about not having male friends or even speaking of the need for friends with disdain because “no one can be trusted”. This thorough brainwashing has created an environment where men do not see other men as individuals to build with but simply competition in the sexual market place as women are prioritized as #1.

This however is not a new phenomena since competition has always been present, but the priority to place women above a man’s interests has made male-only friendships susceptible to toxicity. Moreover, the infiltration of women into traditionally all-male spheres have also made male bonding a difficult task.  This was seen throughout history but it was permanently sealed when women began to enter into the workplace in mass numbers. The subsequent female control over men’s meet ups also etch into marriage where men now have to ‘ask permission’ from their wives to have meet-ups with other guys. Institutions that were once home to brotherhoods have now opened their gates to women and this inevitably changes the social dynamic. From a place of solitude and openness, these men are now tasked with keeping up appearances since sexual competition is added to the equation subconsciously. As soon as women enter into a male-only dynamic, the goal changes from growing better to making it comfortable enough for their presence – this ultimately defeats the purpose of these institutions. Though societies such as the Freemasons still adhere to the male-only tradition (at least in my country), there are hundreds of other institutions/groups (such as the Military) that have fallen to such a great test.

Having completed the Band of Brothers series, it was blatant how at ease and comfortable these men were among themselves while in the face of death. These men trained and fought together so much that their friendships would lead them to self-sacrifice for their brothers in arms. These are the types of friendships that have now become unimaginable since men won’t even consider putting themselves in an uncomfortable position for the sake of the other’s comfort/benefit. Having spoken to older men who didn’t see the need for friendships earlier in their lives, they have all regretted not taking the opportunity to genuinely form relationships with other men. They all stated that they have very little chance now to grieve, talk, console and the like with others since these are not genuinely possible with women. Consequently, these men become depressed and unhappy as they are not able to experience being part of a strong brotherhood. This especially affects veterans who went to war and came back home only to experience the world completely different. These guys tend to go into depression and become suicidal if they aren’t properly rehabilitated and meshed into civilized society. But, what gets them to the stage of contentment and peace? Having connected with other veterans who understand and experienced what they experienced. All the emotions and stories that they can’t speak to their wives, girlfriends and associates about would all be buried in their psyche if not for their fellow colleagues.

Jack Donovan’s “Way of Men” is an excellent resource into the benefits of forming a tribe of men to grow with. This group will help build connections that lasts as long or longer than marriage since male friendship is felt more deeply and strongly than female’s. Furthermore, these groups create a level of competition that is needed to truly evolve and become actualized. They push men to hold a standard that needs to be maintained for the sake of the group. It forms a togetherness that refines the masculinity of each member and facilitates in the expansion of their physical dominance, mental dominance and the like. Without the pressure or competition, these men become dull and easily defeated.

The need for bonding and purpose runs through the veins of all men but in the past few decades it has been wrongly channelled toward female companionship which doesn’t yield comparable benefits. Forming genuine bonds will not only make life much more exciting, it will provide opportunities for mutual growth and an edge that cannot be substituted by another.

Emotions

“I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.”
― Oscar Wilde

As men grow in their pursuits of becoming the best versions of themselves, they are forced to alter many of their beliefs and routines. This is especially relevant when it comes to bedding high quality women as the stakes become higher and more adjustments need to be made. Based on my experiences and conversations with other young men, there is a misconception that emotions are a sign of weakness, and as men we should not tap into that space frequently. However, a look at  great men throughout history as well as men who are truly great with women, will tell you that emotions does have its place in a man’s life, especially in game. If a man sticks strictly rational and logical in his pursuits of women, this becomes a crutch to his evolution because women are inherently emotional creatures. What does this mean? It means that emotions are to be embraced and used as a tool, just like everything else in the Red Pill praxeology to have a more successful life.

Im not advocating for men to become more emotional but rather to use emotions in a way that  helps create more successful relationships. Personally, I truly believe men are to be the rock of any relationship – may it be a one night stand or LTR. However, as your game becomes more refined, you begin to understand that emotions are a crucial part of acquiring and maintaining great relations with women. As men, we do not have the luxury of fully enjoying the thrills of love as women do. They are able to wholeheartedly lose themselves in these emotions while we are left having to create those moments. By remaining completely stoic in your pursuits of wanting to bed women, the passions of love/lust are not explored and the highs and lows women yearn for are not satiated. This pushes them to search for someone who will satisfy these wants and thus, feelings toward you become even more fleeting.

Women yearn after the emotional thrills a man can give her. As soon as she experiences it, she becomes addicted to these feelings and will always look for her fix. Take for example alpha men who became beta during the course of a relationship. One of the main reasons why they become this way is due to them not being able to have the emotional impact they had prior and as stated, this drives a woman toward men who can give her these feelings. These emotions need not be happy emotions, but it can also be feelings of anger, jealously (dread) and even hate. This is why hate-sex/make-up sex is usually so passionate; the emotional high a woman experiences surpasses the banal alterations of her emotions on a daily basis.

Fundamentally, this is one of the key facets that separate alphas from betas. Alphas are able to unlock and unleash an emotional state, either high or low that makes him the man she craves. Betas, by being supplicant sabotage themselves by playing nice because it gives no high or low, but rather platitudinous routine. From a meta standpoint, this cannot be any more truer. Women have been given untold luxury our ancestors never dreamt imaginable yet, instead of building off these luxuries by having a stable life, in their prime years they ride the carousel to find themselves. As Red Pill aware men we understand the dynamic at work – Alpha Fucks/Beta Bux – however, you can also observe that the primary elevates her emotional state whilst the latter levels it.

There is an inherent want from women to explore their heightened emotional senses where they can simply let go and be completely carried away in the moment. Emotions for this matter, becomes the essential tool needed to get her to this state. Make her feel love, hate, jealously, envy and the like and she will always come back for more. For a woman, a heightened state of emotional activity whether it be positive or negative will always trump numbing expectancy; as soon as you understand this, women’s feelings toward you will increase exponentially. As the sentiment goes, it is much better to be loved or hated by a woman than it is for her to feel indifferent toward you – use emotions well and you will always be the man she comes to for her fix.

Self-Sufficiency

“Why ask for your daily bread when you own the bakery?” 
― Randy Alcorn

After writing my piece on self-improvement it occurred to me that the next legitimate step from there is that of self-sufficiency/self-reliance. Self-sufficiency is defined as the ability to supply one’s own or its own needs without external assistance. In living in a consumerist world, this idea can seem foreign to many individuals, especially young people living in first world countries. However, the benefits of becoming self-reliant far outweigh the drawbacks; one becomes much more valuable, confident and productive in the eyes of oneself and others.

When reliance is placed on external individuals such as parents, a significant other, government and friends, there is never the act of truly making a personally decision. By relying on other people for advancement, you sit at the feet of those who produce or possess the things you require. This poses as a legitimate concern when having to make big decisions as you would have to seek the approval of others. By acknowledging the need to become more self-reliant, there are a number of steps that must be taken.

To begin, there has to be the implementation of a self-reliant mindset. This step entails owning up to the things that would normally require parents or others to perform for you. By doing this, you will begin to recognize just how self-reliant you truly are and would then be able to make subsequent alterations. For example, if you live with your parents, stop them from carrying about tasks for you, these would include duties such as doing laundry, dishes, cleaning, cooking etc. Afterwards, when you begin to personally perform these tasks, you are now then able to recognize how reliant you are and now  be able to go to step 2.

The second step is becoming knowledgeable regarding the tasks needed to done in your life. This differs amongst individuals but for the sake of simplicity, I will continue with the example of living with parents or guardian. By now having to cook your own meals, you will now need the knowledge on how to cook at least the basic essentials to survive. If you do not know how to cook, or do know how but cannot perform it on a regular basis you will need to begin learning how to cook as well as becoming disciplined enough to complete this task regularly. Another example that is relevant today is that of managing finances. A large majority of people grow up without having any legitimate knowledge of how to control finances. Consequently, when they are finally on their own they tend to get themselves in the deep end because they have truly been tossed into the deep end without knowing how to swim. By taking courses online or at local financial institutions you can be able to become financially literate. Managing finances in particular is something that needs to be seriously studied, especially at a young age as to not run into major problems later on. (Note, when doing this, try not to rely on your parents for this knowledge unless you truly cannot gather the information on your own).

Thirdly, based on your goals add and remove any relevant or irrelevant activities to create a more fluid lifestyle. By completing step 1 and 2 you would have seen how much or little time you have on your hands if you are on your own. I like to think of life as the human body – important activities such as working out and learning new skills are the muscle and crucial organs. The activities that you use to pass time such as playing video games, binge drinking and partying are considered the fat. To have a healthy lifestyle you must have both, but leaning more to muscle. Write down your plans for the future and adjust your life accordingly as you would be able to categorize your muscle gains from your fat gains.

Lastly, after following these three steps you will finally be in a place where you have a created a self-reliant mindset. At this point you have an understanding of what you need in your life and will be able to plan accordingly. You will be able to make decisions much more confidently and quickly as you now understand how your life operates. It is important to grasp that as life and desires change, there will always be alterations to your goals/needs/wants etc. As such, becoming self-reliant is a journey that carries one through many paths. Continually improve on what is needed in your life and frequently be introspective as this helps to keep focused on tasks ahead. Starting this sooner rather than later is always recommended, the time spent worrying about if people will come through for you can be spent on gaining knowledge of that particular need and finding ways to produce it.

Self-Improvement

“I wish to preach, not the doctrine of ignoble ease, but the doctrine of the strenuous life, the life of toil and effort, of labor and strife; to preach that highest form of success which comes, not to the man who desires mere easy peace, but to the man who does not shrink from danger, from hardship, or from bitter toil, and who out of these wins the splendid ultimate triumph.” – Theodore Roosevelt

Self improvement is the core of Red Pill praxeology and has been preached  in the Manosphere as the key to cultivating masculinity. In past generations, men have always been pushed on a societal level to self-improve because when men are invested into society, they control and redirect their energies in the service of a prosperous and peaceful society. However, with women now being pushed into the forefront on a societal level to self-improve into becoming more masculine, men have gradually fallen and have not seen the need or benefit to continually self-improve. Added to this the feminine-primary order where women have become the focus group in many traditionally masculine sectors. This is seen in academia, the workplace as well as churches where women have been promoted above men in key positions. As a result of this dynamic change in the West, men have lost their passion and fervor to be great and have given the mantle to women.

In my time in the Manosphere, I have seen the push for self-improvement but I have also seen the reason for this push as being one that is shortsighted in that men are self-improving to better relate to women. This is admittedly how most men are introduced to the Red Pill community and self-improvement in general, which I why I can relate to it. However, as time goes by men must come to the realization that self-improvement goes beyond better acquiring their base psychological needs (sex) and should see it as necessary to become self-actualized. When one does not see the larger picture, activities become very masturbatory. Jack Donovan in his book The Way of Men refers to these activities as those that are done with no legitimate gain attached to it. These activities are done for the novelty of it and are usually done in a safe space where there is no real danger of being hurt, no real competition and potential for “status gains”, which are all important to men. Activities such as gaming, watching sports or watching porn are all masturbatory because the ‘benefits’ associated are fleeting and usually simply simulation. To combat this, men must look toward self-improvement that adds both short term and long term benefit to their lives.

One man who epitomized legitimate self-improvement was that of Theodore Roosevelt, the former President of the United States. Roosevelt grew up weak and sickly to the disappointment of his father but as he had gotten older he began the journey of self-improvement. This journey entailed pushing himself both mentally and physically which saw him take up activities such as hiking, boxing, rowing and horseback riding. Later in his life he continued pushing his body and his mind to self-improvement which ultimately saw him writing many books, exploring Amazonian rainforests, leading infantry into World War 1 at the age of 59 and serving as President for an unprecedented 3 terms to name a few. What is important to notice is that, Roosevelt understood the need for a strenuous life of self-improvement, one which continually puts both his body and mind on the edge. Only at this point men truly understand the height of their masculinity.

As we enter into 2016 I urge both myself and fellow men to do more. Don’t just go to the gym – learn a martial art form that allows you to use that strength and teach you how to fight as this is actually beneficial in a real-life situation. Don’t watch porn – go into the real world and have sex. Don’t just read books – begin debating or writing to better your craft. Don’t live a life of video game simulation – go out into nature, hunt, hike and do things that bring true benefits into your life, this is what self-improvement is all about.