Its Been Over A Year (Update)

It has been over a year since I’ve updated my blog though I have been active on my Twitter page. The main reasons for this being the need for me to settle into a new environment. Back in December I completed by Bachelors and about a week after, I was fortunate enough to land a management position at a small company. Coming into the new year my focus was on going full Monk Mode as I saw many areas needing to be improved in my life, but, I was not able to get into that zone. I attribute it to a level of mental burnout having just finished a long semester and getting straight into the workforce. Added to this, I recently launched a media company and have been busy making connections and ‘rubbing elbows’ with the right folks.

Added to that, just last week my relationship of 4 years ended and it hit me harder than I thought it would have. I knew her for over 10 years and been with her before I swallowed the Red Pill so the last remnants of that life has basically withered away. This isn’t to say I was in a Blue Pill relationship by any stretch, she was feminine, young, eager to please and had no notches before me. But, she wanted a level of commitment that I could not have fully given to her. She knew I had other women in my life and for the first 3 years this seemed not to be too much of a problem but in the past year when she confided that she loved me, this etched away slowly on her soul until she couldn’t take it any longer. I knew for about 6 months that the relationship was on borrowed time, we did crazy stuff, had lots of fun and genuinely enjoyed each other’s company, but in the back of my mind I knew it would rear its ugly head again – which it did.

As a man who tries to incorporate Stoic habits in his life, as well as being ‘Red Pill’, I understand all these things and will overcome them. But for now I am fully experiencing the range of emotions this situation handed me and navigating through it the best way I can. Much thanks also to Mark, Goldmund and all the other guys for gifting me with advice and well wishes. As for now, contemplation and introspection is what I will be doing while I move forward. Public writing is still not in the plans, but when the time comes you all would know.

Opposites Attract

“What good is the warmth of summer, without the cold of winter to give it sweetness.” 

― John Steinbeck

From a tender age, I have always heard two trains of thought when it came to dating compatibility. On one end, there is the similarity belief that focuses on being with someone very similar to oneself; on the other is the complementarity belief that says opposites attract and one needs an opposite (of some sort) to have a successful relationship. In a blue pill, egalitarian aspiring world, the former tends to be the pushed belief for men when trying to coerce intimacy from women. Drawing from personal experience, I remember my logic of trying to identify with women as a way to attain intimacy as I believed creating as little friction as possible was the best way to her heart. Suffice it to say, as I got older I realized this belief was the furthest thing from the truth.

Blue Pill men today have been brought up in the belief that everyone is somewhat equal. This ideology has picked up an immense amount of traction over the past 20 odd years as Feminism and other groups have become major influencers in the culture – especially in the education sector. As a result, they now have significant vehicles, such as liberal universities and the film industry to push their idealized beliefs. Now, with young people having been brought up being educated by TV shows and movies, these beliefs take root from a tender age. This egalitarian belief spreads its wings into the dating game and identification game becomes the default. Since everyone is equal and male-female is deemed as ‘social constructs’, men are taught that they can act similarly to women. As such, men now believe that by behaving similarity to women, they will be noticed and appreciated for their efforts. I find myself laughing at this belief because it is clear that the evidence does not support this way of thinking. For every nice guy that changed himself to be more like the girl and was successful (define success), there are thousands of men fucking the girlfriends of guys like these. One can even observe men becoming illuminated as they post stories online bemoaning the fact that their beloved snowflakes are being pumped and dumped by assholes – men who are the complete opposite.

Through simple observation, one can see that nature is inherently unequal and somewhat opposite – this stays true for men and women. Identification game is not an effective or efficient game tactic because it doesn’t take into account that opposites truly do attract. In the eyes of a woman, she is attracted to that which she has not yet experienced. Today, we can see this happening as most girls now have become independent and are pushing to ‘explore’ and ‘experience’ life (the carousel) so she will better ‘understand herself’. Consequently, when one approaches these women with traits and likes similar to hers, she sees that individual as someone who has not yet understood himself or experienced life and thus, is not attractive. Any other man now has become much more attractive in the eyes of said woman because they all hold experiences that she has yet to explore. This is evident in Sheryl Sandberg’s famous quote:

“When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier.”

Quotes like these illicit aggressive responses by crushed blue pill men because they have spent their lives trying to identify and become more like women that they now see their logic has been flawed since its inception. Worse yet, these men may even agree with what Sheryl says as another way identify with the female gender – the rational of blue pill men is appalling.

The idea of making oneself similar to women is highly unattractive to women. In their own theory, they may cry and say they want such men, but in actuality it proves contradictory. Science also debunks this train of thought. Based on studies done, it sheds light on the belief between similarity vs complementarity. All participants in this study were female, so it does provide a great setting. The results shows that complementary partnerships (submissive people with dominant partners and vice versa) reported more satisfaction than did those with similar partners. Another study in 1991 found that women in complementary pairs liked each other more after interacted for 75 minutes than did women in non complementary pairs. These results suggest that complementarity between two partners enhances their attractiveness to each other. In being a dominant opposite, you provide a strong frame for the relationship to grow and for her femininity to flow. Without that masculine presence, hypergamous doubts will set in and she will take it upon herself to fill that void, whether by becoming more masculine or finding a masculine guy. In being a weak submissive, you become a beta orbiter or at best, her ‘best friend’. Similarity in the realm of inter-gender dynamics will never truly be natural or satisfactory, strive to be polarizing in your conquest as it provides the rock and frame they all yearn to live in.