“…Masculinity pertains to male dominance as femininity pertains to female subordination.” – Sheila Jeffreys
Recently I was conversing with a girl in my life when she mentioned her satisfaction with the dynamic we hold in our relationship. She referred to the dynamic that assumes me as the leader and herself, the follower. For most men, this dynamic is one that does not exist in their favor since women of this generation are brought up being taught that men are nothing without them and they need to control men’s interests. This is particularly prevalent because men have also been indoctrinated in the belief that they should just be grateful to have women in their lives. However, these teachings of a matriarchal system goes against the nature of female sexual arousal. Power and superiority, two of the essential traits that trigger arousal in a woman, is needed for a relationship to be become and remain successful. By men accepting a secondary role, they covertly imply that their women are superior and this implication diminishes any emotion (other than contempt) very quickly. This creates a social and sexual dynamic where men are required to constantly aim for approval or else they are not considered ‘real men’. They are advised to follow what they are told (“I’d have to ask my wife/girlfriend if I can…”) and women’s wants are prioritized above their individual interests.
Historically, men have been the leaders in society and by extension, relationships and the family unit. Though this entailed making all major decisions – both easy and difficult – as well as always being ‘on’, men enjoyed and thrived in this position. Because men are wired to be natural leaders and problem solvers, this position typically allowed them to actualize their potential which helped both the family and society at large. In a patriarchy, women expect their men to be strong, decisive and masculine because they understand that these traits ultimately make their lives more fulfilling than it is. Only these women understand that by assuming the responsibility of being the assistant in the relationship that they get more out of life. The truth is, a woman deeply craves a dominant leader in her life. However, because of the current social standing and women’s adeptness for the cunning, if men are subservient, women will not vocalize their want for a powerful man. They may continue to be in a relationship but it is usually for the ego strokes they will receive by controlling the dynamic and consequently, controlling the resources men would be able to provide that they cannot acquire on their own.
In being a submissive provider, a woman may be attracted to the idea of becoming the primary individual in a relationship, but she will never be aroused or respect it. In matters of love, arousal trumps attraction and respect does the same with love. One of the disservices men have and continue to face today is the notion that they are able to experience love in the same way a woman does. Understand this – only a woman can experience the emotional entirety of love in a way that does not make her unattractive. It is men who, regardless of emotion, must be the immovable foundation in this dynamic. This means that you don’t give yourself to fleeting feelings of love but you guide that feeling in her to make the relationship successful. Women will die believing they want a man that gives his all to her, but as soon as this wish is granted, she will feed off those vulnerabilities until there is nothing left to offer her. If you listen to any woman talk about an alpha male she is in love with, you will hear similar themes of the guy not being open with her and not changing for her. Question is, why do they not leave these relationships? It is simple, the guy is leading her into a plethora of emotions that only he can weather. As soon as he gives in and does what she says (following), she loses interest because she is in the unnatural position of leading.
From the outside looking in, the allure of leading may push a woman to want it but as soon as she is in the eye of the storm, she wishes for her Superman to rescue her. Only until you realize and actualize your masculine, dominant nature will you be able to attract, keep and satisfy the women in your life.